A New Year's Resolution: To Love and Accept Myself

It is the end of an old year and the birth of a new one—a time of new beginnings, a time for setting lofty goals. My resolution used to be simple: "Starting today, I will be practically perfect in every way." I wrote it on an Etch-a-Sketch; so quickly was it gone!

I decided that I needed to be more specific. And so, my New Year's resolutions included these: (1) I will lose ten pounds. (2) I will have dinner on time each and every night. (3) I will supply my husband's wants and needs with a sweet spirit and never become distraught with him.

Even so, I found that each year's resolution was simply a repeat of the year before, and the year before that. Then I discovered a totally effective solution for achieving success that I will share with you: When you have trouble reaching your goals, simply adjust the goals! And so now, knowing and accepting myself better, I have adjusted my list of resolutions: (1) I will not gain ten pounds more. (2) I will have dinner every night. (3) I will accept my husband even with his idiosyncrasies and hope that he can do the same for me.

People love me because I'm so obviously imperfect, so undeniably flawed, so unmistakably human. Being around me always makes people feel better about themselves, and that's good. I'm happy when people laugh or make fun of my various foibles; laughter is good.

Interestingly, accepting myself as I am has been the passage to freedom for me. I am much kinder to myself than I used to be, When I demonstrate my inadequacies in being organized or in preparing ahead, I tell myself, "Anybody can plan, but it takes a real manager to leap from crisis to crisis." And I'm not ashamed to admit that my idea of deep cleaning is to vacuum and dust—both in the same week. Furthermore, I am a total klutz—also known as a mechanical moron—when it comes to modern technology, and I'm perfectly content to remain so. Displaying my ignorance on any subject is okay.

My point—if I have one—is that it is a lot more fun to love and accept oneself "as is" than it is to heap self-criticism and disapproval on one's own head. I used to try to appear very knowledgeable and always right, with a sure opinion on every subject. (I may have been wrong, but I was never in doubt.) All that has changed. I may express my opinion, but I immediately follow it with, "But what do I know?" I no longer fear admitting I have made a mistake, finding it to be unpleasant, perhaps, but not fatal. I'm not worried anymore about being a high achiever and receiving awards, acclaim or admiration of others in order to prove my worth. I cannot describe the relief!

Perhaps this self-acceptance comes with age. One person, age 68, said, "I've learned that at age 25 you're finding yourself, at age 45 you know yourself, and at age 65 you can be yourself." You feel more comfortable in your own skin, as they say, and you don't care so much anymore what others think about you. "I've learned that the best thing about growing older is that now I don't feel the need to impress anyone," said a 79-year-old. And when one woman in her nineties was asked what was good about living so long, she replied, "No peer pressure."

Learning to love ourselves may be a new mind set for some of us. As I grew up, whenever someone was being rude or haughty, my mother would say that they had a "superiority complex," that they thought they were better than other people, or that they loved themselves too much. I have since come to realize that the opposite of that is true. There is no such thing as a "superiority complex." If a person truly feels his worth, he has no need to prove anything, no need to appear all knowing, and no desire to criticize or to tear others down.

When we can love and accept ourselves, we find that we are less judgmental and more accepting of others, as well. This, too, often comes with age, perhaps. One delightful woman shared the insights she had gained in this regard. She had always been interested in observing others' lives, even the things about them that bothered her. "In the days of my greatest immaturity, I thought this fascination with others' lives was to give me something to gossip about, someone else's business to mind besides my own.... As I got older, I matured into thinking that when I noticed something in another's life that caught my attention, it was so that I could fix them. So that I could do something to change their situation or even their choices; an excuse to take them a casserole and/or advice. `Service,' I called it.

"As more years went by, I matured into realizing that I can't fix everything I see. I grew a little more contemplative and a little less assertive. Some people could say that this change was just old age setting in, and, I would have to admit to some, slackening of energy. But I can also see that I was actually beginning to gain some wisdom.... I began to see the mysterious and wonderful fact that God is involved in every life, and not always through me...."

The truth is, we really do love our neighbors as [we love] ourselves. If we can be loving and accepting of ourselves, then we can be loving and accepting of others, because love for others flows naturally from a cup overflowing with love of self. As one 65-year-old said, "I've learned that I am the special person I've been saving the good dishes for."

I love myself the way I am,

There's nothing I need to change.

I'll always be the perfect me;

There's nothing to rearrange.

I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can.

And I love myself just the way I am.

I love you the way you are;

There's nothing you need to do.

When I feel the love inside myself,

It’s easy to love you.

Behind your fears, your rage and tears,

I see your shining star.

And I love you just the way you are.

I love the world the way it is,

`Cause I can clearly see

That all the things I judge are done

By people just like me.

So, `til the birth of peace on earth

That only love can bring,

I'll help it grow by loving everything.

I love myself the way I am,

And still I want to grow.

But change outside can only come

When deep inside I know

I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can.

And I love myself just the way I am.

I love myself just the way I am.

(Author unknown)