Real People

Real people! What is real? Real: genuine, authentic, true, solid, sincere, unfeigned, honest. Antonyms: fake, false, imitation, counterfeit, insincere.

In considering the subject of real people, the first thing that might come to mind is the contrast between regular people and movie stars or models. Even knowing that the “beautiful people” appear that way with a lot of help, many follow their lead. It seems that people go to a great deal of trouble in their attempts to feel better about their physical selves, to look better to others, or whatever the motivation. They are willing to subject themselves to―and pay for―everything from going under the knife to liposuction to having injected into their faces botulism toxin (better known as Botox). But, since Utah is among the states that lead the nation in the number of people opting for such procedures, I will not even touch that subject as relating to being real or not!

At the other extreme, one person explained, “I’m not fat. I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more, so it started filling out the rest of me! That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!”

When I asked for her thoughts about real people, my 30-year-old daughter Stephanie said, “Rather than adding to ourselves, trying desperately to find something that will define who we really are, maybe we should simply strip away everything extra, leaving only the core of our authenticity, finding what really makes our hearts sing. The ability to be real comes from knowing who we are and not trying to fake anything else. It’s not worrying about looking good to others or how we’re presenting ourselves to the world.”

She continued: “It’s being interested in other people rather than trying to get them interested in you. I recognize the people who are real by how I feel after I’ve been with them. Some suck my energy, and I feel emotionally exhausted and drained. But with real people, I feel nurtured; I feel heard. They know who they really are and are able to forget themselves and lift others.”

I thought of people I know who are real.

Janice Kapp Perry is probably the most prolific LDS songwriters of all time. She’s written over a thousand songs, counting the ones that are unpublished because they were written for special occasions. With one in the LDS hymnal and ten in the Children’s Songbook, her songs are sung by little children and performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Her influence has touched an uncountable number of people throughout the world.

I met her in 1985, after she had written a song called “The Test.” I heard it on the radio and was so moved by it that I called her to inquire how I might obtain a copy of it for my brother and his wife, whose 16-year-old son had just been killed in a car accident while they were away on a temple excursion. I went to her home where she revealed her loving kindness and generosity by gifting a tape for my brother and one for me, as well.

Janice Kapp Perry has had personal heartaches as well as physical challenges, including the loss of much of the use of one of her hands just as she was getting involved in writing music. More recently, she and her husband Douglas left the comforts of home and served a mission in Latin America. I visited her recently and learned that she had had a stroke over a year ago from which she is still recovering.

I recalled her saying to me once, “The Lord will not cut short a trial that is for your good, regardless of your prayers of faith.” That was comforting to me. Janice Perry is a genuine, caring, pure-hearted person. She is real.

I first met my dear friend LaDawn Jacob in 1981 at a meeting for members of an organization called American Mothers, Inc. (Even though I’d been unable to bear children, I supported the concept.) LaDawn was there, holding her ninth baby, wearing running shoes and ankle socks with a dress, obvious evidence that she was not concerned about what others thought about things that were not her top priority.

Within months of our meeting, LaDawn Jacob would be selected as Young Mother to represent Utah at the national convention of American Mothers. Of course, she took her nursing baby with her to the convention, where she was stunned to be named National Young Mother for 1982.

When she had been selected to represent Utah, LaDawn recalls, “To be honest, I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. But I decided I’d cry. I told my husband it just wasn’t fair because―well, he knew the way the kids acted in church as well as I did! He knew the children have, on occasion, run out the door and down the street bare naked! How could they do this to me? I imagined that every time one of my children misbehaved, people would say, ‘And she’s the Young Mother of the Year?!’ . . . I don’t belong on that kind of a pedestal.”

But LaDawn won, and with her title came many opportunities to voice her feelings about the importance of motherhood, lifting and encouraging mothers all over the country that year and for several years that followed. I remember the whole family packing up one summer for an extended speaking tour of Education Weeks in California.

She and her husband Jim ended up with eleven children, “all boys except for nine of them.” Her children have grown up to excel in many ways, but you won’t hear of it from her; her modesty and humility preclude boasting, however appropriate it may be. In September [2007], LaDawn and Jim plan to leave behind their home and family―34 grandchildren at the moment―to serve a full-time mission in the Ukraine.

For 25 years, LaDawn and I have shared our joys as well as our sorrows. She has blessed my life with her loving encouragement, and her faith in me was strong when my own was weak. Not long ago, I wept my discouragement to her by telephone, feeling my life a failure. “Cheryl, how can you even think that?” she exclaimed. “You have helped so many people with your writing. . . .”

“Oh, yes,” I interrupted. “I can write books, but my personal life is a shambles,” citing estranged relationships with extended family members.

Then she kindly said to me, “There are three things I want you to remember and to say to yourself, Cheryl. First say, ‘Life is hard―but I can do hard things.’ Second, tell yourself, “The circumstances are not ideal, but I can make the best of them.’ And third, “TTT: Things take time.’”

LaDawn is a true friend. She is real.

Perhaps the best part about knowing real people is that it gives us permission to be real ourselves. Being real is being true to the essence of who we really are―love. There is a book I like which speaks of “love unfeigned, without hypocrisy, and without guile.” And what are we here for, if not to make life less difficult for each other? We are not here to see through one another, but to see one another through.

Real people. Those we admire most did not start at the top and then coast from there. They are not necessarily decorated with honors, accolades, and accomplishments. They are those who faced difficulties and who triumphed, prevailed, and overcame. They are those who are genuine, authentic, true, solid, sincere, unfeigned, and honest. And loving, always loving. These are the real people I know.

Many years ago, a man named Hugh B Brown stated: “Each of us is being tested . . . . [In the end] the Judge will not look us over for medals, degrees, or diplomas, but for scars.”

Didn’t He say He sent us to be tested?
Didn’t He say the way would not be sure?
But didn’t He say we could live with Him forever more,
well and whole, if we but patiently endure?
After the trial we will be blessed, but this life is the test.

The Test (excerpt)
―Janice Kapp Perry